Dealer: Welcome Welcome Welcome! To Julie & Co Everything News
Today, we hope you join us for an evening of satire, after all, everything news must include some deep fake news. It wouldn't be everything if we didn't include anything, now would it?
Group: yes, yes, agreed, yes, thank you, correct, I agree
Dealer: Here today, I have included several members of the secret underground world power system. These folks never show their faces, so their names have been changed for their safety. But for all intents and purposes, we have:
Elon Moosk of the dark technocracy
Who-on O' Seven from the white technocracy
Gladimyre Pootend from the Russian de-nazification alliance
Mi6 British intelligence John Doe
Conservative Patriot from Alabama Jane Doe
AI Cyborg Gim Kokuen
Dealer: Tonald Drump, did you have a comment?
Drump: First, I want everyone to know, I can't be bought.
Dealer: Great. And at last, we have Bible Basher Betty from the Bible Belt
Dealer: Well thank you. So what we're going to do, is we are going to play, take over the world Poker. Unfortunately, we did have a member missing because when we invited him, Mi6 took him to gitmo... so we are short a member.
So first what we are going to do, is everyone is going to get their own card for how they want to take over the world. Then we draw take over the world cards from the middle of the deck. If you agree with the take over the world plan, you are allowed to raise the ante. If you disagree, you can fold. When the stakes are out, everyone plays their take over the world card, and we will see who wins. Fair?
Group: Agreed, agreed, great, sounds good.
Dealer: Ok, so everyone take your special take over the world card...
Drump - oh this is easy. my take over the world card is simply to have the Trump card!
Dealer: - what was that Gim Kokeun?
Gim Kokuen - just getting our NSA agents on the line, and just informing everyone that participating in this game may mean you are recorded, spied upon, tapped, and you allow your prefrontal sequential thoughts to be monitored.
Dealer: I recognize Conservative Patriot from Alabama Jane Doe
Jane Doe: Gim Kokuen is breaking the 4th amendment of the constitution! Spying on citizens is illegal!
Dealer: I recognize MI6 British Intelligence John Doe
John Doe: Not illegal for us! We spy on you, you spy on us, fair is fair!
Jane Doe: But my taxes aren't going to pay for you you smorgasbeard!
Dealer: Ok, calm down, we haven't even started yet. Save your arguments for the Poker game.
--everything becomes very quiet. First card drawn:
First card: President Trump arrested
Dealer: Alright, first card is placed, who's in? Drump, are you in?
Drump: I'm in. There is no such thing as bad news. My arrest might backfire and win me more support, just as much as the fake election polls at CNN!
Announcer: Ok, as Drump has vocally said, he's in. Who else? Jane Doe?
Jane Doe: I'm out. I can't have such a violation of my constitution.
Dealer: British Intelligence Mi6 John Doe, are you in?
British Intelligence Mi6 John Doe: Yes, I'm in. Once Trump is in jail, we can visit him there and then we can say we personally spoke with him. Plus, it will take attention off of our recent attempts to shift power away from the monarchy.
Dealer: That's very good Mi6. Elon Moosk?
Elon Moosk: I'm in.
Announcer: Anything else, Elon?
Elon Moosk: It will be easier to bring in the dark technocracy without him, but I will tweet I disprove of his arrest nevertheless. I can only bring in the antichrist by appearing to be on the side of the patriots. Oh, sorry Jane...I wasn't supposed to let you know that. Men...
Jane Doe: Help! HELP! NOOOOOOOO.... (Gagging and kicking sound, getting softer and softer with footsteps).
Dealer: Well, that behavior is usually against the rules, Elon... but in this case; who am I to get in the way of the richest man at this board? Let's carry on. Who-On O' Seven, are you in?
Who-On O' Seven : Of course I'm in! I need martial law in the streets in order to take over the world, and Trump getting arrested is going to allow me to prove that there is deep state coup trying to remove our most eligible presidential candidate! I can't take over the world unless people believe I'm helping them take down the deep state.
Dealer: Alright, how about Gim KoKuen?
Gim KoKuen: Of couse ! Trump is part of the Black Sun! It's high time their team was out and the upper echelons of AI cyborgs demonstrated their true power to control the wealth of the planet! (We may have gotten some help stealing money from the Rothschild's, but it's all legal since we killed their commander, and not doing so would be a crime against humanity).
Dealer: Very good. Ok, Gladimyre Pootend?
Gladimyre Pootend: I'm in. If you arrest Trump, I shall track the satanists who arrested him and burn their homes down with calibrated missiles from North Korea. Then I will take over the world for the sake of the children.
Dealer: Fine, that's just fine, Gladimyre! Pancy Nelosi...
Pancy Nelosi: Well of course I'm for arresting him! I will see you in Gitmo Trump! And give me my husband's boxers back you conspiratal cockatoo! Tell your friend Gladimyre to surrender to Ukraine already and get me my money back!
Dealer: Now now, Pancy, no personal attacks are allowed. Bible Basher Betty, are you in?
Betty: Unfortunately, my mother taught me not to play Poker. So I will have to use a delegate to play for me, and we are definitely out, and we are leaving. Actually, we aren't trying to take over the world, but there is a verse in the bible where it says the whore of all the earth will be burned with fire. You just remember that.
(Door crashes shut).
Dealer: Ok. That was one stunning round. Here we go for round two. --Drawing a card from the middle of the deck.
Martial law: Who's in:
Drump: I'm in... let's get me that presidency!
MI6 John Doe: I'm in... I will finally get some sleep at night with all the citizens inside for early curfew
Elon Moosk: Yep, but I will tweet that I'm against it so people trust that I'm on their side.
Who-On O' Seven: I'm in... we have to take down the deep state!
Gladimyre Pootend: I'm in... we have to take down the Nazis!
Pancy Nelosi: I'm in... I want our streets under constant survellience! Big government is good government!
Dealer: Another exciting round! Next draw: Pandemic
Drump: I'm out... America's economy, and Mar-a-Largo, can't handle another lockdown!
MI6 John Doe: I'm in,, and this time, let's blame it on the Russians!
Elon Moosk: I'm in, let's give everyone a transhumanist electrochip that can cure all disease... my patent of course
Who-On O' Seven: I'm in... it will prove to everyone there is a deep state and they need me to take them down!
Gim Kokuen: We don't need martial law, we already control everything. If the Black Sun goes for Martial law, we are screwed. No one is taking my gold any way you look at it. I'm out.
Gladimyre Pootend: I'm in. If you start a pandemic I will find the people who started it and I will hit them with calibrated missiles from Iran! ah ha ha ha.
Pancy Nelosi: I'm in. I never did see all the results of Fauci's last research... a good experiment needs repeating.
Dealer: Ok folks, it's been an exciting game. We have one more round before you show all your cards, and we will see once and for all who is going to successfully take over the world:
Card draw is: Mass Media Exposure of the Deep State child trafficking rings and arrest of 70% of government officials
MI6 John Doe: I'm in, definitely. I predicted this would happen a long time ago. The destabilization will make me famous.
Elon Moosk: I'm in.... I am sick of having to do business deals with these sick narcissistic non-trans-humanist psycopaths.
Gladimyre Pootend: Yes, expose the deep state child trafficking rings, and also tank the dollar. This is good, very good.
Who-On O' Seven: I'm fine with it... I'll still have my calling tree of super soldiers.
Pancy Nelosi: If you tank my dollar, I am going to sell my husband's shorts for pure gold, and you won't be in the bidding Gladimyre!
Dealer: Pancy, are you in or not?
Pancy: Of course I'm not in... I fold.
Dealer: Alright, so we are at the end of 3 rounds and we are left with MI6 John Doe, Elon Moosk, Gladimyre Pootend, and Who-On O' Seven. Let's see what each of your final take over the world cards are!
MI6 John Doe: Gain everyone's trust and put in the antichrist leaders for the Eruo-Union in the name of free and fair elections, sovereignty, and bringing peace and stability to all! Reveal Sishi Runak as the antchrist! (And the diasporic clone of Boama).
Elon Moosk: Invite non transhumans onto reptilian ships to become food storage for the Mars E.T. colonies. Invite remaining people to become part human-reptilian trans-humanists and join the Mars colony.
Gladimyre Pootend: Win the war in Ukraine and launch Armegeddon with Iran and Turkey
Who-On O' Seven: Report to Boama in the basement of his bunker. Reveal myself as the knight in shining armor everyone is waiting for! (With back up from Canada).
Dealer: And the winner is obviously Who-On O' Seven!
Whoooo hoooooo hoot hoot hooot hooot! Whoooooot! Clappping [applause]
Dealer: Who-On O' Savin, we never knew you were going to take over the world simply by reporting to Boama in his basement bunker! That was a plot twist no one saw coming!
Who-On O' Savin: Ok, that's fine and all, but can we please keep this confidential? I have a meeting this week with the Supreme Court and I want to look like I am Trumps' friend.
Dealer: right right.. everyone, calm down. It's not everyday we plan the take over the world is it? OR is it???
Whoooot whooot whooot clap clap clap applause....